myspace

aku buka myspace profile aku yg dh bertahun aku tak buka

dan aku mcm x caye aku punye pemikiran punye lah lain, nak tgk?

ini aku tulis dalam myspace blog pada 13 July 2006

its useless to think all about this

 

she hates when i talk about her to others. but sumtyms i really hv to. for her, this topic 'a'ishah kamal n xxx' hs no right to be discussed n debated exc by two panels she herself n i in the courtroom of our own world, yet we rarely talk about ourselves. we gossip n critisize others a lot n its ppl's stories which make us bestfriends. hehs. we r company in making bagfuls sins in our backs. anyway, sumtyms i can feel that we r from totally different worlds. in the sake of 'friendship forever', we hv to ignore the fact that ppl kynd of uncomfortable with this bond. tyme hs make us stand of nothing because both of us hv changed a lot. im not really sure to say if i love her so much but what im real positive is that thoughts about her can make me insane. hehs. actually, i tried so hard to go on with my own lyfe as if she ws nvr a part of me. i do lots of things in an attempt to wish her away n keep only what was mine alone, ended up; negative. im still unmistakably my own, wishing n doing all the best things for her.
from the whole story, ppl might think its no wrong at all to really love ur friends but im on-purposely taking out the most important part of it.
-she hurts me a lot-
if the heart cn be placed sumwhere ppl could see it, mine's probably just lyke sux, with bruises, swollen, livids, misshapely smaller, bloody ehs all done up as a broken heart, destroyed by her. fuck off, she nvr realise about that. im a real idiot to be the victim of situation ehs. it ws really not me. damn it.
there's only 1 thing that i lyke about this relationship n i keep telling myself about it. its the strenght after all the bad things.
-she trusts me lyke hell-
mixed up~
now i hate her
now i miss her
she's my best
she's my worst
n i know real sure,
it's useless to think about all this 

 

******

hehs, cam emo pun ade

dan ini aku tulis dekat about me

i create my own pages of rules but im stick to it. im loyal to myself n also to my closest friends. some ppl think im a kynd of weirdos but i feel evry1 hv thyr own uniqueness. we all r different in our own way. honestly, i change easily but my stand's still untouched, not really hehs. i hv a real innocent look in my face yet i do quite lots of bad things in my lyf. common things, i do lies, gossips, n other sux stuffs, not so bad because i still feel guilt in me. let em be my deepest secrets ehs but i dont keep em on my own. i share almost everything with my best friends. huh i dont expect all my friends to keep my secret safe in place, not that i dont trust em. im just preparing for backstabbing n sumthing lyk that. in this world nothing's impossible. persons lyk me, thy dont hv lots of friends but thy keep thyrs well. hmm. i really love to make millions of friends, so friends of my friends add me up so we can get to each other closer. lyf's all about give n take. its not what we cn get, its what we cn give. peace no war hehs.

 

******

 

and my headline is

seul player, no team, no republic

aku masih suka. aku rase aku pandai cari headline. haha

Imaginary

Last night there was the E-FacT steamboat at Taman Awam, it was fun. And full, I would say.

I reached the place by myself, with cab since I was from Bintang MegaMall and I don’t think I could catch the bus trip if I ever went back first.

After performing the Maghrib prayer at the very small corner of the shop, I went for a walk, alone in a dark blue sky of the silent dawn. Well, it’s not too dark, some spotlights here and there and I can still see little stars – they were beautiful, but they didn’t really shine. Or is it the dried contact lenses?

I stopped at the nearby playground and sat on the spring horse, texting Syepah. Then, I was there for quite a minute till the old feeling burst into the air and it was so vivid that successfully made me remember.

Yes, I remember about being alone and how much I loved that. Once, I really loved to do stuff alone. In school, people walked around the school compound with friends but I did it on my own feet, most of the time.

I played in the rain giggling to myself and got few people called me psycho because of that.

I didn’t really have friends for fairly a moment and rarely that I appreciated some that being with me, and do ‘caring’ for me.

I do lots of experimenting in my life that I’ve gone through so many phases of life, unconsciously.

Well, this post is not about that.

Yeah

I love/loved being alone, yet when I was alone and I felt like talking, I just pretended like I was talking to someone not-exist.

And so last night, while I was in the playground there was a guy. He was dark and tall, not so skinny but not fat, and he wore slippers and colorful t-shirt. He was no handsome but somehow good looking. There was a feeling and curiosity (forgetting that I’m already married) of me.

******

The rest of the story is a kept secret but I did tell my husband some of that.

Asha: Abang, I met a guy. Do you mind?

Abang: No, I don’t mind. Seriously

Asha: Err, but you don’t have to worry because at the worst case scenario, he will be just an imaginary boyfriend and and, he’s not a boyfriend yet because I don’t know so far, whether he likes me or not. Oh, and I haven’t asked for his name up till now for what sake. Hehs.

Abang: Where did you meet him?

Asha: At the playground just now.

Abang: I think you already go crazy.

Asha: But crazy people won’t know that it was just an imagination.

******

Haha, of course I'm not crazy. Maybe I was - but not anymore.

P/s: I just read a magazine telling that it’s ok for a wife to have an imaginary boyfriend apart from her husband, that it’s healthy. Do you think it’s interesting? Or revolting? Why on the earth that a magazine tell the women about that.

vampire = satan?

i was just happened to like vampire stories once i asked elyss for a movie to watch during the exam weeks. she showed me the folder of a drama series since they're all that she got that time

and so, i finished all the 8 episodes of vampire diaries while i was supposed to study geophysics and geochem's practical

but the series haven't fully aired yet, it's just until 9th episode which i also already watched on youtube before my last exam paper

and i finished the first novel of 'vampire diaries' also before my last paper of 202. it had been a very long time since i last finished a story book, i mean a very thick story book

and and

i downloaded twilight just now and watched vampire lesbian killer - two movies in a row. i never get interested to watch twilight however insane the review most girls made about the movie, yet that obviously was before.

and and, after watching twilight i don't think he's as hot, damon salvatore's hotter.

while the point here is, the stories of vampires are really fascinating

and it made me think

how can a vampire be something we get attracted to? and yeah, including myself - such a way that make people fall in love to edward cullen and stefan salvatore. and damon salvatore, the handsome vampires.

they are practically the league of lucifer or satan, correct me if i'm wrong. and they actually are something that is supposed to be our real enemy in this temporary world. their motive is dragging us to hell with them. forever.

erk

somehow, the thought of it make me feel sick. real sick. and worse, i've been wasting my time for that. euw.

p/s: hehs, but seriously edward cullen is NOT handsome, at least not that handsome. i can put my husband there to be his rival. who's with me? haha

Red

I spent the whole evening with Syepah and TC in Curtin Village just now. Just a little sewing already made my day, thanks Syepah. I went back hoping to have a good night sleep in his arms, and get a real rest after a tiring rows of weeks doing assignments and preparing for the exams, they are finally over.

But but, he’s not here and I don’t do ‘looking out’ anymore.

Well, avoiding to blame – it was me who left first just now.

Red has never failed to cheer me up, and be there whenever I need, I once cried when I heard the sound of his wheel. I was alone that night.

It was a warm night, in my messy room with the smells of my guy and Red.

Yes, just like tonight.

i just found a friend's blog

aku kebal

she's just one of my short stories
extremely concise but filled
with a fine beginning and a vanishing end
but painfully sweet enough to be cherished

she was a friend, she is

hehs

i don't have much to keep because i once threw away a box of the good old days. but i still have few of the last pieces. the sneak out from people and stuff just to talk? the very very very long talk. or talksss. the pages and pages that had made me cry, then smile. the avril poster covered diary that she made me keep. the tears and laughters. the fights. the stories and the secrets.

and more things that i guess even you can't ever recall

i didn't see you so much
you didn't see me as much

i didn't see you for a month
you didn't see me for the months later

yet when we did
we talked like we had never talked before

that's what it takes to make you special significant

practical exam 214

prac exam tadi memang teruk la aku buat

down la juga

tapi aku lg down sebab satu issue ni

issue tiru meniru atau bahasa cantik dia sharing

hehs

aku x kisah pun orang tiru tiru, memang dah normal sgt

dan aku memang tabik dengan orang yang ade skill 'sharing' tapi tak kantoi

hehs

cuma prinsip aku - aku tak kan share dan aku seboleh bolehnye tak nak subahat bagi orang tengok kertas aku; test ke exam ke. bukannye kedekut tau. lg satu, kalau aku bg jawapan, kalau korang betulkan jwpn aku pulak, nnt aku pulak yang jadi peniru. pada aku, kalau aku 'sharing', nanti degree aku x berkat. dan lagi satu aku nak result aku antara aku dan pertolongan Allah saje. baru rase puas. lebih kurang camtu la. malas nak elaborate lagi takut jadi issue sensitif pulak

dan prinsip aku memang tercabar sangat tadi

exam td memang susah gile. bile smua orang berjaya 'sharing' antara satu sama lain atau pun dgn lecturer, aku cam goyah la jugak. aku dapat rase mungkin aku je la yg result teruk nnt.

tapi nasib baik aku tak jadi 'sharing'

then, bile ade orang tanye aku, aku dah rase bersalah dah. korang mintaklah ape ape yg lain, insyaAllah aku cuba bagi. mintak colour pencil ke, calculator ke, suami aku pun boleh kalau korang rela nak bermadu dengan aku.

hm, ape pun aku mintak maaf sgt. seriously

ala, tapi kalo korang dpt tgk jwpn aku pun bukannye confirm betul. aku bodoh je

aku teringat conversation aku dgn bro asyraf mase aku foundation dulu

die ckp camni la lebih kurang, "nanti kalo korang masuk degree, camne susah and teruk pun korang belajar, bile masuk exam hall sure korang akan tiru juga"

sekarang aku faham kenape die cakap macam tu

aku dah cerite pasal bende ni kat beberape orang and ade juga lah orang yg tahu kekerekan aku tak nak share jawapan dalam exam or test.

hehs

aku dah ade prinsip taknak 'sharing' dari sekolah lagi. aku seriously tak pernah buat bende tu kat sekolah kecuali ade satu exam ni. french punye final exam mase aku form four kat stf. hehs

aku punye exam paper di pass pass sampai row depan. nasib baik tak kantoi. mase tu aku fikir, french je, tak kire dalam average markah pun rasenye time tu. hm, but it was extremely significant in my life.

lagi satu, mase aku first year dulu, aku ade tiru and discuss chemistry test. tapi bile aku sedar balik, aku retest balik semua test aku yang aku tiru walaupun mase tu result aku dah pass. nasib baik boleh retest time tu

dan ade lagi satu yg significant. practical 102, aku tak ingat practical test ape. mase tu semua orang tiru, ade orang nampak paper aku and die tengok and compare ngn die punye. then die betulkan satu jawapan aku, and pade mase tu aku pun realise jawapan aku salah dan aku betulkan. itu aku tak dapat nak undo. regret it so much.

hehs panjang cerite aku kan?

aku tulis semua ni sebab aku nak explain kat korang kenape aku x sharing dalam exam. bukan sbb kiasu ke, kedekut ke, kerek ke. tau tau. sorry

kalau korang bengang dengan aku atau dengan post aku ni, korang ckp je la dalam hati camni
"ala, asha ni kecoh je. tak nak sharing, senyap senyap suda. kau jugak yg rugi"

oklah, doakan aku pass. amin

sleeping ugly and her first exam paper

The thick notes are the nightmare, the never ending story and the curse to the laziest. Yes, to whoever thinks they are considerably slothful, including the weak soldiers of this war and the girl – she’s reading (and writing) this and look at her own self.

I’m not tired, says the girl in retort to the vengeance curse, my intelligence is – she added. The good night sleep she had every day is willing to be sacrificed, to the both eyes which read and the red pencil that writes. They are together with no doubt.

And the girl smiles again, she knows she is a fighter.

hehs

To all my classmates, for our first paper today, all the best, Allah is the Best Helper– no better words.

whirlwind

it's been weird to extensively writing in different blogs and sites in these critical time - final exam will start just in about couple of days

i'm proud (at the same time, quite shy) to announce that

i have a new blog, err

again!

huhu

introducing the whirlwind!

i have imported player this time - monyet terbang ( what a name, wekk)

actually, he's my husband  - if you don't have any idea of who he is

my 100th post

phew~
i'm old already in blogging

despite being old today, i create a new blog, hehs inspiration, it's the newborn babyblog to be a place where i can put my arts ideas, DIY stuffs and crafts (i get influenced easily by my favorite blogs - scroll to the bloglist on the right) as well as to put some drawing that i make, only Allah know hows much i love the crayons lately, thanks to TC who introduce me to the RM3 oil pastel crayons, i already bought my set in Onestop Superstore last week.

err, i just realised that i keep creating and deleting blog, huhu. but still i am glad that i can be loyal to hehslady.blogspot.com

and, but the new blog is empty still, huhu

* i love combining connectors these days, what a major grammadisaster *

and and now i have 2 blogs, actually 3 blogs including circuit blog that i hardly update. no and no. it's actually 4, there's a friendster blog that has been abandoned for so long

suddenly, i wonder - why do we have so much to take care of in the internet? name it peeps - we have blogs, twitters, facebook and friendster. and yet do we really have time for all of that? then, do we really have time for youtube, i-meem, forums. huargh, this is so sick

err, that's why internet is killing people nowadays, through many many ways we can't ever imagine. people get sick for being exposed to the wave of the computer (i'm not sure what am i talking about) and get to wear specs for the strained eyes, and more significantly people including me waste 90% of their time to mr internet, and and we don't realize anything about it because we just wanna have fun and fun

Image Source

as for me, i just do facebook once a week, and maximum 2 or 3 twits per week (check my profile if you don't believe me), i'll be online in ym only when the connection is way very good or when someone need help and need to chat with me. but my problem is with writing and blogging. i love to write so much and have so many drafts to finish on. i mean article drafts to be submitted on the internet, not blogging draft yeah cos i don't really do draft for my blog, sometimes it's just so unnatural to do, right?

and so, do you guys have any idea on the usage of these sites - social networking sites, blogs, twitter. what difference would they make to each other and which one should we stick with? how to have them all without wasting our time, so much? huhu, so many questions here.

p/s: to curtin students, stop youtubing and facebooking, only few days left before our exam! good luck friends~

Image Source

write like a preschooler

no matter how much i love to write, whether in this blog or anywhere (including love and tantrum letters to my husband), i don't have the talent to write, really.

i've lost most of my sophisticated and melodramatic Malay vocabulary after i quit school, and never good in English vocab and grammar so far in my life

still, i'm happy to have some of my bad writings published in some website, including my favorite poem, His Shoes. but that poem actually doesn't really get enough hits

my first writing to fish quite a lot of readers from the internet was Five Important Things in a Geological Field Trip that i wrote after the field trip in Niah and Lambir last semester, i have no idea how that one can be attractive or even informative, it's like another kid's writing. huhu

and this one is the latest one - about Hamster. and it's a preschooler article as well. haha

i wish to learn more T_T

p/s: my other writings, here